Day 68 - 298 Remaining- Tues 17/01/12 

“Looking Like Wealth, I’m About To Call The Paparazzi On Myself.”

Today was a whirlwind! Went to sleep late and upset, as per usual, then woke up early to go take my grandfather to hospital pre-op for his opperation. All i ever do now is fishtail my hair!

We got to the hospital and had to walk 180325 miles and finally checked in. Then a few hours later we saw an anaesthetist and then she talked about epidurals and blood and medication, and they talked about my grandfather’s previous heart conditions and his stroke. Then all of a sudden my mum turned to me and all the colour had drained out of my face and i was grey turning purple and all i could feel was my stomach knotting up. So i got up and ran out and all i could see was stars and i was dizzy and couldn’t breathe so i pretty much collapsed!

It was scary. Then just went into the cafeteria for the rest of the day and read my book. Then when we realised that God had delivered us a miracle of some sort, meaning that one of the copious pills my grandfather has been taking has now worked and so the need for his opperation has now been averted! HALLELUJAH! I am actually so thankful and so proud of him for overcoming everything that he has. He is the strongest person I know and there is no  other man alive that i love more than him. <3

Then drove him to his physio appointment whilst mum and i got maccas. And the situation between us has gotten back to semi normal now which is cool i guess but i doubt it’ll ever be the same.

Then came home after getting slurpee’s and omg my grandfather drinking his was actually the cutEST!

Then drove back over to meet Todd half way after work. He was so tired which made me sad. And then we drove and got The Green Lantern on DVD and got nerds then went back to his and watched that along with a plethora of cute family movies :3

We had another one of “those nights” where we  stayed up to around 2 talking about the “A - word”. And when i say that i have never ever been more against something in my life, i truly mean this. He seriously cannot leave. i dont know how or what i could ever do with myself without him for 3 years. A part of me knows that no matter how much we say we’re gonna make it, it’s going to get the better of us. And not that i don’t love him more than life itself, because i do, but I need a boyfriend here. Long distance is not my forte and i know that because to an extent i have tried. And i have put up the fight of my life trying to convince him that it is a stupid decision, but i guess i’ve lost.

All i know is, is that if i do lose him to the dreaded “A-word”, although he says he’s coming back for me, having been told that before will always lead me to think that it’s a lie. I want to believe that we will be alright and we will be married with children by our late twenties. However, i refuse to marry or procreate, for that matter, with someone who won’t be constantly around.

I don’t even know where my head is at right now, but i hope i’ll run out of tears soon because trust me, i have cried enough over this matter to satisfy a drought in a third world country.

I’m not one for polygamy,
So i’m not letting distance play third wheel.

Tonight was a first for everything.