The first days of the rest of my life.
Day 71 - 295 Remaining- Fri 20/01/12 Today was average. It was the lovely Linda’s 18th so HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!Woke up late, as usual, then went and got stuff ready to go to her party tonight!!!Left home and went to meet Todd! Then drove to her house for the par-tay! Went and saw the birthday girl and had a few too many drinks and then todd decided to bring up that damned “A-word” again so we just ended up feuding over it ALL NIGHT. Which resulted in me crying the WHOLE way home. On the brighter side of the night, getting to see Linda and Cathy again was absolutely fantastic and i look forward to many more nights out and max brenner dates with them in the future <3 But yeah, so over the “a-word” i literally don’t have any words left. I know that i have lost my fight to get him to stay and i guess that if we don’t make it then that’s what’s supposed to happen. I love him more than anything or anyone and i cannot stand the thought of having him move 8 hours away and not even see eachother for 2 whole months let alone the 16 other months that come along with it. Deep down in my heart, whilst i know  it isn’t the right decision for us, he has to go. I cannot be the one to hold him back from his dream, however bizarre or redundant his dreams may be. It just hurts me that he’d rather be 8 hours away , in a military camp then be here with steady employment, with me. Time will tell what is around the corner for us and i just pray that it is decent. I don’t think i could take another ‘Predictable Megan ending” To another relationship. I thought that i knew what love was, and that it would rise up and conquer all things. I now know that i am wrong. I don’t know what real love is, not even close to understanding it. Whilst i am tempted to say it exists, i am still on the fence as the whether or not it is still a myth or a threat we use to wage how much we want something. And i guess what it all boils down to is, that i didn’t wage enough, obviously, because now he’s most likely going to branch out on his own and my dependency is going to suffer. I don’t know where my head is at, but i wish i could find it’s destination, because it’s a terrible place to be.

Day 71 - 295 Remaining- Fri 20/01/12

Today was average. It was the lovely Linda’s 18th so HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
Woke up late, as usual, then went and got stuff ready to go to her party tonight!!!

Left home and went to meet Todd! Then drove to her house for the par-tay! Went and saw the birthday girl and had a few too many drinks and then todd decided to bring up that damned “A-word” again so we just ended up feuding over it ALL NIGHT. Which resulted in me crying the WHOLE way home.

On the brighter side of the night, getting to see Linda and Cathy again was absolutely fantastic and i look forward to many more nights out and max brenner dates with them in the future <3

But yeah, so over the “a-word” i literally don’t have any words left. I know that i have lost my fight to get him to stay and i guess that if we don’t make it then that’s what’s supposed to happen. I love him more than anything or anyone and i cannot stand the thought of having him move 8 hours away and not even see eachother for 2 whole months let alone the 16 other months that come along with it. Deep down in my heart, whilst i know  it isn’t the right decision for us, he has to go. I cannot be the one to hold him back from his dream, however bizarre or redundant his dreams may be. It just hurts me that he’d rather be 8 hours away , in a military camp then be here with steady employment, with me. Time will tell what is around the corner for us and i just pray that it is decent. I don’t think i could take another ‘Predictable Megan ending” To another relationship.

I thought that i knew what love was, and that it would rise up and conquer all things. I now know that i am wrong. I don’t know what real love is, not even close to understanding it. Whilst i am tempted to say it exists, i am still on the fence as the whether or not it is still a myth or a threat we use to wage how much we want something. And i guess what it all boils down to is,
that i didn’t wage enough, obviously, because now he’s most likely going to branch out on his own and my dependency is going to suffer.

I don’t know where my head is at, but i wish i could find it’s destination, because it’s a terrible place to be.

Posted 1 month ago